I went to the internet expo at the learning annex today in NYC. Internet ninja Dmitry Shapiro, creator of Veoh Networks (one of the largest online video services with over 28 million viewers) gave a very inspirational talk. He was down to earth with no sales gimmicks and provided motivation to a very crowded room. Here are some of the statements he made:
I'm not going to motivate you.
It's not all about money.
Do what you love.
Be connected.
Take advantage of life.
Teach what you love.
You're already motivated.
In an attempt to teach participants that the importance of being successful had more to do with believing in your dream and hard work than in a magic get rich scheme he stated, quite casually and off the cuff: I get through by thinking the universe is conspiring in my favor. So why not cut and paste this statement to your psyche! He talked about failure as a part of the game of life, an experience that everyone has. Failure should be looked at as nothing more than an experience rather than a defining moment. This brought to mind for me that a defining moment is how you respond to a failure or a disappointment. There's no reason to think that the difficult times in your life are your defining moments; Rather think that they are somehow related to the universe conspiring in your favor. IF you can do that - you will have a transformational moment for sure. Learn more about Dmitry Shapiro at his website: http://www.dmitryshapiro.com/blog/.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Find The Grey
Todays tip is called: Find the grey.
I came up with this tip last summer during my work with a lovely young woman. I work with young women often and it is always motivating and insightful to me (as I went through so much therapy of my own as a young woman). Not that I'm old. I like to consider myself as still being on the young woman continuum...but that has nothing to do with today's tip.
Last summer I had the luck of working with 3 young women, all of whom were in quite different places and going through pretty major transitions. One thing l identified in my work with one of these women - and then utilized with all three - was the importance of finding the "grey" when having black and white (or intense) emotions. Often times we connect with the black and white moments. Those times when things are pretty intense. They often take off with our emotions. Or at these times - our emotions might trigger behavior that we later regret. Thoughts associated with these times would include words like: "All of the time...Always....never...every single time..."...etc...
An example of this could be a statement or a thought such as: "I never get what I want"...or, "they never care about my optinion"...or, "I'm not pretty and that means I will never be successful"...or, "No one understands me"...or, "They don't give a damn about anyone"...
The trouble with this type of thinking is it is limiting. It limits perception. It limits relationship. It limits your response to the situation, and prevents you from giving someone (or yourself) the benefit of the doubt. It assumes that people should be perfect. This is mostly unhelpful in getting us what we want.
So, the point of this exercise - "FIND THE GREY"! Challenge yourself to change your statements or thoughts at these moments into something more like: "Sometimes I don't get what I want, but I'm not gonna let that stop me from trying", "Even if they don't care about my opinion, that doesn't mean it isn't of value to me or someone else", "There are things about me that are pretty and my looks do not control my ability to be successful...I have been successful at things and will be again - Despite my feelings about my looks...and just because I am unhappy with my looks doesn't make it true that I'm not pretty...", "Sometimes people don't understand me, but I am able to explain myself - even if I have to do it over and over...it can be frustrating but I"m not going to let that ruin my day", "They don't seem to be being thoughtful about people right now but it is possible that they have their own issues and are struggling through like everyone else"...
Finding the grey is about garnering out a less extreme position. It's about staying as neutral as possible. The result is hope for less intense emotions that throw our spin off course. It is about avoiding emotion that might throw you in a tizzy that is unproductive and/or unhelpful.
let me hear from you about your moments of finding the Grey! Or rather - your thought altercations that turn those black and white moments into the grey!
Have a grey day. And by that, I mean sunny and blue and calm. Who said a grey day was all bad anyway?
Wendy Ludlow, LCSW
I came up with this tip last summer during my work with a lovely young woman. I work with young women often and it is always motivating and insightful to me (as I went through so much therapy of my own as a young woman). Not that I'm old. I like to consider myself as still being on the young woman continuum...but that has nothing to do with today's tip.
Last summer I had the luck of working with 3 young women, all of whom were in quite different places and going through pretty major transitions. One thing l identified in my work with one of these women - and then utilized with all three - was the importance of finding the "grey" when having black and white (or intense) emotions. Often times we connect with the black and white moments. Those times when things are pretty intense. They often take off with our emotions. Or at these times - our emotions might trigger behavior that we later regret. Thoughts associated with these times would include words like: "All of the time...Always....never...every single time..."...etc...
An example of this could be a statement or a thought such as: "I never get what I want"...or, "they never care about my optinion"...or, "I'm not pretty and that means I will never be successful"...or, "No one understands me"...or, "They don't give a damn about anyone"...
The trouble with this type of thinking is it is limiting. It limits perception. It limits relationship. It limits your response to the situation, and prevents you from giving someone (or yourself) the benefit of the doubt. It assumes that people should be perfect. This is mostly unhelpful in getting us what we want.
So, the point of this exercise - "FIND THE GREY"! Challenge yourself to change your statements or thoughts at these moments into something more like: "Sometimes I don't get what I want, but I'm not gonna let that stop me from trying", "Even if they don't care about my opinion, that doesn't mean it isn't of value to me or someone else", "There are things about me that are pretty and my looks do not control my ability to be successful...I have been successful at things and will be again - Despite my feelings about my looks...and just because I am unhappy with my looks doesn't make it true that I'm not pretty...", "Sometimes people don't understand me, but I am able to explain myself - even if I have to do it over and over...it can be frustrating but I"m not going to let that ruin my day", "They don't seem to be being thoughtful about people right now but it is possible that they have their own issues and are struggling through like everyone else"...
Finding the grey is about garnering out a less extreme position. It's about staying as neutral as possible. The result is hope for less intense emotions that throw our spin off course. It is about avoiding emotion that might throw you in a tizzy that is unproductive and/or unhelpful.
let me hear from you about your moments of finding the Grey! Or rather - your thought altercations that turn those black and white moments into the grey!
Have a grey day. And by that, I mean sunny and blue and calm. Who said a grey day was all bad anyway?
Wendy Ludlow, LCSW
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